Hello Dear Friend,
After a long, inexcusable absence, I'd like to share something with you that has been tugging at my heart lately. I took these notes while in church listening to my pastor's teaching and I have been mulling them over since. It was such a wonderfully convicting sermon and I only hope it serves in strengthening your relationships as it has mine. Be blessed!!
How to communicate: Speak the truth in love when tensions/emotions are high.
Primary
Key – Determining whether a relationship will last…
Biblical
principles of good communication.
-
2
things to get right first:
§ Respect the power of words. Proverbs
18:21 “death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Proverbs 12:18 “The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
§ Fill your cup at the cross. 2Peter 1:3-4 “He
has granted everything to you pertaining to life and godliness.” Don’t be a
leech; you don’t NEED anything from the other person. Only God can meet your
needs.
-
4 bad habits to
avoid:
§ Escalation – you’re hit, so you want to hit
back & harder. Attack! Verbal bashing.
§ Invalidation – diminish or dismiss how the
other person feels. “You feel that bad? Big deal. Quit feeling that way.” Not
wanting to engage in their pain. Sending the message, “I don’t want to
experience life’s difficulties with you, I just want to fix you.”
§ Negative interpretations – thinking the worst
of the conversation. Misunderstanding & overreacting. Assuming the worst
& setting the other person up for failure.
§ Withdrawal & Avoidance – shut down or run
away. Eject button.
-
2 ingredients to
include:
§ 1) Grace – Colossians 4:6 “Let your
conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know
how to answer everyone.” Both people need to feel safe. Give someone something
good they don’t deserve.
A)
Reaffirm
unconditional love & acceptance; dedicated to the relationship.
B)
Surround rebuke with
encouragement. Confront gracefully.
C)
Return a curse
with a blessing. 1Peter3:9 “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult.
On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so
that you may inherit a blessing.” Don’t hit back…even if they deserve it.
D)
Choose to believe
the best!! There are multiple ways to interpret a conversation, so assume the
best. Even if their track record proves otherwise.
§ 2) Truth
A)
Don’t
lie! No exaggerating; no misleading.
B)
Be
courageous! Bring up difficult things. (We tend to hold back because we don’t
want to hurt them. Adopting the wrong attitude, “I like my own comfort/harmony
better than their good.”) Proverbs 27:6 “Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Be willing to wound, so that things can truly
heal and both parties can grow closer together.
C)
Be
humble. Proverbs 11:2 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility
comes wisdom.” Acknowledge your faults. Be willing to be proven wrong.
D)
Be
patient. James 1:19 “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone
should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry...” Slow
Down! Don’t be impulsive. Take time to process. Don’t fling words. Be quick to
listen & hear.
You have to work on it! Talking and
communicating are two VERY different things!
Communication
Resources:
- A Lasting Promise
Christian
guide to fighting for your marriage
- Crucial Conversations
Tools
for talking when the stakes are high
Communication is the foundation of
any good, thriving relationship.
Are you willing to fight for the relationships
you’ve invested in and the lives you’ve been involved in?! Eternal rewards.
Original Notes & Audio Resource: Grace Bible Church
Find Joy in Him, Beloved!
